As the wife of a service member, life can be both rewarding and challenging. Things can change quickly, and since so few of us actually experience it, it isn’t highly talked about. I want to tell you briefly, what it’s really like being a military wife.
You will move often. Your husband will likely get transferred every 2-4 years. This can obviously, bring about challenges. When you start to feel at home, and begin making really good friends, that’s usually when it’s time for someone to move. Fear not: I’ve made friends in California and seen them 3 years later in Japan. The military community is pretty small, so you will likely see your friends again! On the bright side, your family has the chance to visit parts of the country (and maybe foreign countries) that you may not have visited otherwise. What an opportunity!
Your husband will leave. Not permanently (hopefully), but periodically. He will have training, and school, and deployments where he’s away for several months at a time. You’d think the toughest part would be managing the home and children without him. Not to worry, you will instinctively step into place, and learn to function well in his absence. What’s really REALLY hard (besides how much you miss him) is reintegrating when he returns. For 6 months, you’ve had your own routine, and moved the furniture the way you wanted, and relied on yourself to do what needed to be done. Now, it’s time to step aside and allow him back into place and to include him in the routine.
I’ve heard women say that its hard making friends in the military, but I find it really easy. If you live on a military installation, your neighbor will be a fellow wife. Strike up a conversation, easy. If you have hobbies, find a group on Facebook, and attend their events. Read my detailed advise on how to do that here. These women will quickly become your closest friends. They will watch your kids so you can have date nights, they’ll bring your favorite dish for the Thanksgiving potluck, and they’ll happily become your emergency contact for medical purposes. Best of all, they understand your lifestyle.
There is a lot of nuance to being a military wife. We are all different, after all. The things we have in common are we all understand the sacrifice and change that come with marrying a service member, and we love him enough that we don’t mind.
Still figuring out life as a military wife? Get some extra tips here.
Being a Christian wife in this world means that we won’t always be liked or understood. Sometimes we make choices and hold views that are unpopular. If you’re a “people pleaser” like I am, this will be difficult. I’d like to encourage you, the Lord always offers a way to shine His light in this secular world. Even within the military.
Our Values
There was a time when the majority of military service members held a conservative Christian world view, this is evident in references to God and Heaven in the swearing in oath and even the lyrics of the Marine Corps Hymm. We were a patriotic group who valued God-given freedom, and respected our country and our flag.
We believed, unequivocally, in traditional marriage and the importance of a strong family structure. We valued discipline, responsibility, and sacrifice. Our military is made up of men and women from all backgrounds and we understood that individual differences are beautiful, but that they don’t really matter, as we are ALL made in the image of God.
Lately, the military seems to be focusing on the above values less and less, and pivoting in a new direction. On a smaller scale, the “frat boy” culture within the military has certainly expanded to more of a culture of degenerates. So what do we do? If we are wives, called to be help meets to our husbands, and salt in this earth, how do we respond?
Read the Word
I’m no pro, but I can certainly share what works for my home. The FIRST and foremost thing you must do, is renew your mind Daily with the word of God. How can we hear from the Lord, and walk with him, when our minds aren’t focused on Him? If you’re blessed with a husband who is willing to lead you in devotion, Praise God! If he isn’t, then ladies, YOU read the word. I recommend finding a great devotional like this one.
Pray, Christian Wife
the Bible says to pray without ceasing. When you’re tempted to complain, go to the Lord in prayer. As you’re picking up socks from the floor AGAIN, and packing lunch, speak life, and pray over your family. We can see how dark things are from home, but our husbands are the ones out there facing it head-on.
Shut out the noise
I have been away from social media all month, and it has been absolutely glorious. My emotions are more stable, I’m much less distracted, and I’ve never been more content with my life and the things I have. More importantly, it’s easy to guard my heart against things that are not good for me. Choosing not to be involved in the latest trends, or missing out on celebrity gossip can only improve your spiritual life and your focus on the eternal.
Maintain your boundaries
Every couple has a line that they aren’t willing to cross. Even in un-charted territory, you know when something goes against your convictions or just “feels off”. This might mean declining social invitations to certain events or choosing not to support certain causes. Your husband may choose to come home after dinner out with the guys instead of hitting the bar. You may have to prioritize your family and home instead of shopping, brunch, and nail salons every weekend. These examples may or may not apply to you, just make sure you stick to your convictions.
Find a good church
Moving every 2-3 years can make it tough to find a good church, I know. If you’re able to however, you’ll find it much easier to resist the temptation of living like the world. A church home will help you connect with other believers with whom you can walk this journey together. Community is so important, and if you can surround yourself with a good one, you’re already ahead.
Conclusion
The US military is a honorable career. It may not be the institution that it once was, but it is still an opportunity to be salt in the earth. You can be a part of the military community, and be a loving and supportive wife without compromising your Christian beliefs and values. Even when you feel ostracized for being different, be encouraged. He is with you.
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10 (NIV)
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I'm a wife, crunchy mom of 5, Jesus lover, and homemaker. Join me on this wild journey of moving every 3 years to unpredictable locations as the wife of a US Marine.
