When I married my husband, he was already a Marine, and I was ready to live the life of the women on one of my favorite ABC dramas. Wrong. Had I known then what I know now, I could have avoided a few sad months at our first duty station. Trust me, and implement these tips as soon as you can.
You’re in this too, sis
Sure, he’s the one who signed the contract, but as the spouse of a service member, your life is going to change too. There’s no way around it, just embrace it. How? Learn about what your husband does. Find out his job title and where he works. Learn about his branch of service, their traditions and core beliefs. Find out your husband’s rank, and maybe learn about the rank structure. Learn about dress codes on military installations and what time the colors are lowered. These bits of information will help you understand where you guys fit in and lessen the culture shock when you arrive at your first duty station.
Get out there
Now its time to find something for YOU to do. If you have children, you may not have a ton of free time. However, it’s imperative that you find some milspouses to befriend. Find your spouse’s unit page on Facebook. If there’s an event happening, go! Look for others with common interests. I once made a new friend from a Facebook post asking if anyone had any coffee. We were in the middle of unpacking, and I found myself without caffeine! A girl in my neighborhood who I’d never met, responded, and walked to my house with 3 k-cups!
Support him
Service members face challenging courses, rigorous training, and stressful situations every day. When they come home, they often want a moment to debrief and space to relax. I have found that the evening goes better for the entire family when I greet my husband with a kiss and a smile and give him some time. Maybe you have a different dynamic in your home. Just find out what he needs in the evening and try to do it. If he’s studying for an exam, give him peace. If he’s got a challenging day coming up, encourage him.
I highly recommend learning his love language. My husband loves acts of service, so I make sure there’s a hot nutritious meal on the table in the evening and that his uniform is clean for the following day. If that isn’t your thing, no biggie. However, I encourage you to find what you can do to help him feel supported and encouraged. He will get up the next day feeling ready to take on the world, and he’ll appreciate you for being understanding.
There’s more to being a military spouse, but focus on these 3 and you’ll be well on your way. You’ll be knowledgeable, you’ll have friends, and you’ll reduce the stress in your household and your marriage.
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