Being a Christian wife in this world means that we won’t always be liked or understood. Sometimes we make choices and hold views that are unpopular. If you’re a “people pleaser” like I am, this will be difficult. I’d like to encourage you, the Lord always offers a way to shine His light in this secular world. Even within the military.
Our Values
There was a time when the majority of military service members held a conservative Christian world view, this is evident in references to God and Heaven in the swearing in oath and even the lyrics of the Marine Corps Hymm. We were a patriotic group who valued God-given freedom, and respected our country and our flag.
We believed, unequivocally, in traditional marriage and the importance of a strong family structure. We valued discipline, responsibility, and sacrifice. Our military is made up of men and women from all backgrounds and we understood that individual differences are beautiful, but that they don’t really matter, as we are ALL made in the image of God.
Lately, the military seems to be focusing on the above values less and less, and pivoting in a new direction. On a smaller scale, the “frat boy” culture within the military has certainly expanded to more of a culture of degenerates. So what do we do? If we are wives, called to be help meets to our husbands, and salt in this earth, how do we respond?
Read the Word
I’m no pro, but I can certainly share what works for my home. The FIRST and foremost thing you must do, is renew your mind Daily with the word of God. How can we hear from the Lord, and walk with him, when our minds aren’t focused on Him? If you’re blessed with a husband who is willing to lead you in devotion, Praise God! If he isn’t, then ladies, YOU read the word. I recommend finding a great devotional like this one.
Pray, Christian Wife
the Bible says to pray without ceasing. When you’re tempted to complain, go to the Lord in prayer. As you’re picking up socks from the floor AGAIN, and packing lunch, speak life, and pray over your family. We can see how dark things are from home, but our husbands are the ones out there facing it head-on.
Shut out the noise
I have been away from social media all month, and it has been absolutely glorious. My emotions are more stable, I’m much less distracted, and I’ve never been more content with my life and the things I have. More importantly, it’s easy to guard my heart against things that are not good for me. Choosing not to be involved in the latest trends, or missing out on celebrity gossip can only improve your spiritual life and your focus on the eternal.
Maintain your boundaries
Every couple has a line that they aren’t willing to cross. Even in un-charted territory, you know when something goes against your convictions or just “feels off”. This might mean declining social invitations to certain events or choosing not to support certain causes. Your husband may choose to come home after dinner out with the guys instead of hitting the bar. You may have to prioritize your family and home instead of shopping, brunch, and nail salons every weekend. These examples may or may not apply to you, just make sure you stick to your convictions.
Find a good church
Moving every 2-3 years can make it tough to find a good church, I know. If you’re able to however, you’ll find it much easier to resist the temptation of living like the world. A church home will help you connect with other believers with whom you can walk this journey together. Community is so important, and if you can surround yourself with a good one, you’re already ahead.
Conclusion
The US military is a honorable career. It may not be the institution that it once was, but it is still an opportunity to be salt in the earth. You can be a part of the military community, and be a loving and supportive wife without compromising your Christian beliefs and values. Even when you feel ostracized for being different, be encouraged. He is with you.
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10 (NIV)
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Having been through a few deployments and countless trainings and field operations, I have some advice to help you get through this difficult part of military life.
Deployments Are Tough for Him
Surviving deployments is one of the toughest things married couples face in the military. Not only is the service member enduring intense climate and living conditions, but also there is potential for physical danger. He is missing birthdays, anniversaries, and first steps, and he feels immense guilt over it.
Deployments Are Tough for Us
Then there’s our side. We are suddenly left to do our normal routine without a vital component in our lives. We are parenting alone, and doing all the icky things that our husband usually does, and comforting our children-we when could use some comfort ourselves.
Be The Bigger Person
My first tip is the toughest, but if you can master this, the rest will be a breeze. YOU will have to be the bigger person. Meaning, when you are able to email, text, or talk on the phone, try not to unload all your stress on your husband. Your emotions will run high, but do not act on them. This is not the time to vent or to pour out every issue and concern. I can assure you that he is stressed out, under tremendous pressure, and probably feeling guilty as well. Save the sarcasm, passive aggression and complaints. Let him know how much you love and miss him, and enjoy the time you have to communicate.
If you’re rolling your eyes and thinking “well he better not complain to me either,” you’re missing the point. He likely will. He may get upset and stressed about things and take a harsh tone. Imagine if you replied with an equally harsh tone, and both of you say things that you will later regret. Then a week goes by before you can talk again, and all you can think about is the last conversation you had. It isn’t worth the anguish. Keep it calm and sweet.
Save the Deployment Money
Don’t make any large financial decisions. You’d be wise to save as much as you can while he’s gone, (when my husband was in Afghanistan as a Corporal, I saved $10,000). If either of you are spending irresponsibly, it will definitely result in conflict, and you won’t be able to discuss it, and work things out. Don’t make this mistake.
Get Outside
If his unit has events for spouses and families, get involved. Go to the mixers, bring your kids to the play dates, participate in the groups. Even if you’re not a “people person”, its always a relief to be surrounded by other wives who can empathize with your situation-plus, its a great opportunity to leave the house once in a while. Check out this post on how to make friends in the military.
Shhhh
Next, and this one is important, loose lips sink ships. Basically, learn the rules of OPSEC(Operational Security). Official communication regarding where your husband is, and for how long, should NEVER be shared. Not on social media, not publicly, ever. There are enemies of the US who comb the internet for this type of information, better safe than sorry.
Care Package
Some fun things you can do while he’s gone include start a new hobby, or pick up and old one. Create a fun countdown for your kids. Institute a weekly movie or game night. Send him care packages. I sent my husband this care package for Thanksgiving when he was deployed in 2015.
For a list of the 10 best items to pack in a deployment care package, read this post
deployment care package
Plan His Homecoming
The MOST fun thing to do while he’s deployed is plan his homecoming. Lots of times wives plan photoshoots, with balloons and banners, or gatherings at home. I highly recommend asking if he’d like a big to-do, or just a low key evening at home with you. Ask what meal he wants prepared, and put on an outfit that you feel beautiful in. Make sure your home is tidy and welcoming, and just celebrate him!
Deployments are tough for the entire family, but we definitely have control over how we react to the stress of it. You’ve got this, girl.
A common question many people have about military spouses, is do we have jobs? Or can we work? The short answer, of course, is yes. Over the years I’ve made friends with lots of women who do part-time work at restaurants, or retail at the mall. Some work full time on the same military installations as their husbands doing child care, or at the medical or dental office. Some are teachers at the same schools that their children attend. It is definitely possible.
I can say, from my own experience, however, that it can be difficult to follow a career path when you move every 2-4 years. If your career requires specific licensure, you may not have reciprocity from state to state. Meaning your credentials may qualify you in one state, but they don’t meet the requirements in a new state. I’ve lived in areas where local employers saw military spouses as unreliable employees because we don’t stay in one location for long.
I’ve lived in places where the waitlist for childcare was several months long, which put spouses who worked in difficult situations. So if you have children, thats something to consider.
I’m of the mind, that the best way to work when your spouse is serving in the military, is to be home. If you can land a work from home job, where you are available to your family, amazing! If you can start your own business, even better. I know TONS of entrepreneurs who started their successful businesses out of necessity because they found it difficult working outside the home with their husbands in the military.
If you want to earn extra money, but dont want to leave your children and your home, Check out THIS work from home opportunity that I’ve been loving for my family. For more details, email me from the “contact me” tab so we can chat!
Many of us desire to stay home with our babies and to be keepers of our home, but we worry that we won’t survive off of one income. Its no secret, the military isn’t a get-rich career, and most service members don’t join for that reason anyway. The fact remains, with a family, one needs money.
First, you need to lay out every bill, monthly payment, and subscription. Total everything up, and decide what you can live without. I like the Every Dollar App for this. I recommend living significantly below your means in the beginning. Just because you can afford it, doesn’t mean you should purchase it.
A HUGE way to live below your means in the military is, if you choose to live in town, (off a military installation) find a modest home, where your rent is less than the service member’s BAH (housing allowance). You can save that extra money, and apply it to utilities, a monthly bill, or put it straight in your savings account.
Another great way to decrease your monthly spending is to make meals from scratch at home. If you’re not a cook, never fear. I could barely scramble eggs when I got married, but found tons of recipes on Pinterest, and gradually became for comfortable in the kitchen. Since the beginning of my marriage, I have made my husband’s breakfast and coffee at home, (no Starbucks), and packed leftovers from the previous night’s dinner, for his lunch.
Next, is your grocery budget. 95% of the foods we eat are made in our kitchen. So we buy LOTS of foods in bulk. If you have a larger family, you may want to consider a bulk store membership like Costco or Sam’s. Bulk buying is often more cost-effective, and your food will last longer in between grocery trips. Another grocery budgeting tip, is to have your groceries delivered. This way, you aren’t tempted inside the store to purchase foods that you don’t actually need. If delivery isn’t an option, just make a list of what you need and stick to it.
If you want to get ahead, and begin saving for the future, you can look into additional income streams. You can sell old items on FB Marketplace, or you can sell your own creations on Etsy. If you have a skill or can provide a service, offer to do it in your community a few times a week, and charge for your services. For info on how I earn an income while still bring home with my kiddos and husband fill out this form
Cutting back on spending and living on one income can seem daunting at first, but its a sacrifice thats SO worth it. When we are available to our families and have the opportunity to be present with our babies, we will be grateful that we took the steps to scale back and make time for the things that matter.
My journey to living a non-toxic lifestyle started when my son was born. He had really sensitive skin, and the baby wash and lotions we had used for our girls, gave him hives! The pediatrician said to look for fragrance-free baby products, and that got me thinking, “why would fragrance cause hives??”. So I did some research and learned that the word fragrance is a trade secret code for hundreds of toxic chemicals that companies don’t have to disclose. What was I using on my babies??
Potential Side Effects
I was sad that my new born baby had been exposed to something toxic, but once I realized the potential side effects of this stuff over time, I was grateful to learn before it was too late. The Environmental Working Group website has great info about the harm certain ingredients can do to the body over time. Minor issues like allergies, headaches and eczema all the way to respiratory, hormonal and reproductive issues and cancer can all stem from extended periods of exposure to chemical toxins.
Researching Alternatives
Now that my favorite “baby scented” lotions, soaps, and detergents were out of the question, I had to find what was safe to use instead. I tossed out our chemical cleaners, scented candles, lotions and soaps, and opted for natural alternatives like this and this I started using vinegar, baking soda and water to clean our house. If I wanted to make the house smell good, I simmered a pot of water on the stove and added orange peels and cinnamon sticks.I found free and clear versions of my favorite detergent, but some of the ingredients still concerned me.
The Final Straw
In the year 2020 I developed an intense case of eczema on my hands. This is when I decided to really buckle down and find a place or a company that was trustworthy and committed to high standards for non-toxic products. I spoke with friends, and read testimony after testimony until I was convinced. The following year, I purchased a starter kit from Young Living and never looked back.
One Year Later
One year after diving in with Young Living, I have tossed all chemical cleaners, perfumes and cologne, dish, laundry and hand soap, scented candles, toxic makeup, body wash, (and the list goes on!) and replaced them with essential oils, and non-toxic plant based alternatives. My son’s skin and my skin are healthy as ever, and I feel great knowing that I’m in charge of what my family is exposed to, and its the best that nature has to offer.
I'm a wife, crunchy mom of 5, Jesus lover, and homemaker. Join me on this wild journey of moving every 3 years to unpredictable locations as the wife of a US Marine.
