As military spouses, so much of our lives are dictated by the military. Where we live, how often we move, whether or not our service member is going to be home by dinner time, and so much more. We have choices on how we react to this fact. We can fight it-kicking and screaming. Or we can accept it, and learn to make it work. The former is a common reaction, and often results in resentful, unadjusted spouses, and frustrated, miserable service members.
The latter is the option that will grow us.It will change us and mature us from the inside out, and result in not only stronger more resilient individuals, but a stronger unit (your marriage).
But how do we do it? How do we accept that our life is no longer just about us? Honestly, it s process that won’t happen overnight, but there are things you can do to shift your thinking, and make the change easier to embrace as you see the benefit.
Two Become One
Just as your husband was taught in bootcamp (or basic training) that he was no longer an individual, you need to begin to understand the same fact. When you said “I do”, the two of you became one. You are a unit, one body, one house. So there is no competing, no keeping score of who gets what, no splitting, no dividing. A house divided against itself can not stand.
There Can Only Be One Head
Don’t roll your eyes. I will not get into biblical submission on this post, but I need you to think logically, and without any emotion or bias. In a business, there are many employees, but one CEO. In a military unit, there’s a chain of command, and one commanding officer. In any living thing, there are many parts of the body, but only one head. The head does not operate independently, without the other body parts, but it is the only head. That said, someone in your marriage has to be the ultimate decision maker, the tie breaker, the leader, of sorts. That leader is the main character.
Where Do We Fit In?
As I stated above, the head can not move without the support of the neck the brain, and all the other body parts that make up the body. So as the spouse, or the supporting character, we are not without value. Your service member is often the logical, pragmatic, part of the body, but they need us. They need us to encourage them, and build them up. They need us to remind them that whatever it is, they can do it. They need us to feel respected and loved as the leader and representative of the unit (marriage) that goes out into the crazy world to make things happen.
What About My Needs?
I’m so glad you asked. Your needs matter, just as much as his do. I would never say that they don’t. There are ways to curate our desires and have our needs met as well. I always advocate for an hour or self care each day. Whether that’s an artistic hobby, or fitness, or reading a novel, or whatever it is that you enjoy, do it! Are you social? Definitely, go out and meet other spouses who can help build you up and create a sense of community. Do you have career aspirations? You can do those as well. Here’s where it gets sticky. In order for this to work, the first priority needs to be the unit. So if you can go to school, or work, or travel without it being a detriment to the family, and what the supportive role entails, then do it girl.
The Results
Over time, as our perspectives shift, and we begin to see our marriage as one unit instead of two individuals who compete with one another, small petty things, won’t matter. We won’t keep score over who washed the dishes last time, we won’t feel like we’re constantly fighting over when its “my time to do me”, and you’ll see this journey in the military as an opportunity to grow the marriage and its strength as well as the strength and individuals within.
Join our Facebook group, Milspouse Mastery, where we are doing a 5 day challenge on this very topic very soon. Becoming the Supportive Character Challenge
In the hustle and bustle of military life, it’s easy for spouses like us to prioritize everyone else’s needs above our own. We’re often so focused on supporting our service members and managing the challenges of parenting when they’re gone, that we neglect our own well-being. However, taking care of ourselves is not just a luxury—it’s a necessity. Here’s why self-care is crucial for military spouses and how to prioritize it in your life.
Maintaining Resilience:
As military spouses, we face unique stressors, from frequent moves to deployments and separations. Self-care helps us build resilience, allowing us to bounce back from challenges and adapt more effectively to the demands of military life.
Nurturing Mental Health:
The constant uncertainty and lifestyle changes associated with military life can take a toll on our mental health. Practicing self-care, whether through prayer, journaling, or fitness, provides us with essential tools to manage stress, anxiety, and depression.
Strengthening Relationships:
When we prioritize self-care, we’re better equipped to show up as our best selves in our relationships. Whether with our spouses, children, or friends, taking time to recharge allows us to offer more patience, empathy, and support to those we love.
Preventing Burnout: Juggling multiple roles and responsibilities as military spouses can leave us feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. Self-care acts as a buffer against burnout, helping us maintain balance and prevent physical and emotional exhaustion.
Setting a Positive Example: Our well-being sets the tone for our families and communities. By prioritizing self-care, we demonstrate the importance of nurturing oneself to our children and fellow military spouses, inspiring them to do the same.
Incorporating Self-Care Into Your Routine:
Identify Your Needs: Think of what activities and practices bring you joy and relaxation. Whether it’s reading a book, going for a walk, or indulging in a hobby, prioritize activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul.
Make Time for Yourself: Schedule regular self-care sessions into your calendar, treating them as non-negotiable appointments. Even if it’s just a few minutes each day, carving out dedicated time for self-care reinforces its importance in your life.
Have compassion: Let go of perfectionism and embrace compassion. Remember that self-care is not selfish—it’s an essential investment in your overall well-being. Be kind to yourself, especially when it’s hard.
Seek Support: Don’t hesitate to reach out to your support network for help when needed. Whether it’s delegating tasks to your older kids or leaning on fellow military spouses for support, seeking assistance allows you to prioritize self-care without guilt.
Celebrate Progress: Recognize and celebrate your efforts to prioritize self-care, no matter how small. Each step you take towards nurturing yourself is a victory worth celebrating and brings you closer to a healthier, happier life.
By embracing self-care as a vital component of military spouse life, we can cultivate greater resilience, nurture our relationships, and thrive amidst the unique challenges of military life. Remember, taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s a powerful act of self-love and empowerment that benefits us all.
I created a guide with tips to help you incorporate self-care into your routine every single day, and regain the vitality you once had. Check it out here!
Managing finances can be challenging, especially for military families who often face unique financial situations due to frequent relocations with varying costs of living. However, with careful planning and budgeting, it’s possible to achieve financial stability and peace of mind. In this comprehensive guide, we’ll walk you through the process of creating a military family budget, step by step.
Step 1: Assess Your Income and Expenses
Start by calculating your total monthly income, including military pay, allowances, and any additional sources of income.
Next, list all your monthly expenses, including fixed costs like rent or mortgage payments, utilities, groceries, transportation, insurance, and discretionary spending.
Step 2: Set Financial Goals
Determine your short-term and long-term financial goals, such as saving for emergencies, paying off debt, buying a home, or investing in education.
Prioritize your goals based on their importance and feasibility, and set specific, measurable targets to track your progress.
Step 3: Create a Budget
Based on your income and expenses, create a realistic monthly budget that aligns with your financial goals.
Allocate funds for essential expenses first, such as housing, utilities, and groceries, then allocate remaining funds for savings, debt payments, and discretionary spending.
Step 4: Track Your Spending
Monitor your spending regularly to ensure you’re staying within your budget and identify areas where you can cut back or save.
Consider using budgeting apps (I love Every Dollar) or software to track your expenses automatically and categorize your spending.
Step 5: Adjust as Needed
Be flexible with your budget and make adjustments as needed to accommodate changes in income, expenses, or financial goals.
Periodically review your budget to ensure it remains relevant and effective in helping you achieve your financial objectives.
Conclusion:
Creating and maintaining a military family budget requires diligence, discipline, and commitment, but the rewards are well worth the effort.Remember your goals, and hold one another accountable. By following these steps and prioritizing your financial goals, you can take control of your finances, reduce stress, and build a secure financial future for you and your loved ones.
Don’t forget to join our Facebook group for more financial tips and support from fellow military spouses!
Military life often requires frequent moves, making traditional employment challenging for military spouses. However, with the rise of remote work opportunities, many military spouses are discovering the benefits of pursuing remote careers. In this blog post, we’ll explore the numerous advantages that remote work offers for military spouses and why it’s an ideal option for navigating the unique challenges of military life.
Flexibility:
One of the primary benefits of remote work for military spouses is flexibility. Remote positions typically offer more flexible schedules, allowing spouses to work around their partner’s deployment schedules, childcare needs, and other obligations. This flexibility enables military spouses to maintain their careers while accommodating the demands of military life.
Location Independence:
Remote work provides military spouses with the freedom to work from anywhere with an internet connection. This is especially advantageous for spouses who frequently move due to military relocations. With remote work, spouses can continue their careers regardless of their location, eliminating the need to constantly search for new employment opportunities with each move.
Career Continuity:
Military life often disrupts traditional career paths, forcing spouses to put their careers on hold or start over with each move. Remote work offers a solution to this challenge by allowing spouses to maintain continuity in their careers. Instead of constantly reinventing themselves with each relocation, military spouses can build upon their skills and experience in remote roles.
Increased Job Opportunities:
Remote work opens up a world of job opportunities for military spouses, regardless of their location. With remote positions, spouses can pursue careers in industries and roles that may not be available in their current location. This expanded job market increases the likelihood of finding fulfilling employment opportunities that align with their skills and interests.
Work-Life Balance:
Remote work promotes better work-life balance for military spouses by eliminating long commutes and providing more control over their schedules. Spouses can spend more time with their families, pursue personal interests, and prioritize self-care without sacrificing their careers. This balance is essential for maintaining overall well-being in the midst of military life’s demands.
Financial Stability:
: Remote work can contribute to greater financial stability for military families. With a remote job, spouses can continue earning income regardless of where they are stationed, reducing the financial strain associated with frequent relocations. Additionally, remote positions often offer competitive salaries and benefits comparable to traditional office-based roles.
Professional Development Opportunities
Remote work offers ample opportunities for professional growth and development. Many remote companies provide training programs, mentorship opportunities, and career advancement paths for their employees. Military spouses can leverage these resources to enhance their skills, expand their professional networks, and advance their careers while navigating military life.
Community Connection:
Remote work doesn’t have to mean isolation. Many remote companies foster strong virtual communities through online forums, social media groups, and virtual events. Military spouses can connect with like-minded professionals, share experiences, and build relationships with colleagues from around the world, fostering a sense of belonging and camaraderie.
Conclusion: Remote work offers numerous benefits for military spouses, including flexibility, location independence, career continuity, increased job opportunities, work-life balance, financial stability, professional development opportunities, and community connection. By pursuing remote careers, military spouses can overcome the challenges of frequent relocations and deployments while maintaining fulfilling and rewarding careers. Whether it’s working as a freelance writer, virtual assistant, or software developer, remote work provides military spouses with the opportunity to thrive professionally while supporting their families and navigating the complexities of military life.
Military life can be incredibly rewarding, but it also comes with its fair share of stressors. From frequent relocations to deployments and everything in between, military spouses often find themselves facing high levels of stress. However, with the right techniques, it’s possible to effectively manage stress and maintain a sense of well-being. In this article, we’ll explore some practical stress management strategies specifically tailored to military spouses.
Practice Mindfulness:
Mindfulness involves paying attention to the present moment without judgment. Taking a few minutes each day to practice mindfulness can help military spouses reduce stress and cultivate a sense of calm amidst chaos. Whether it’s through meditation, deep breathing exercises, or simply focusing on the sights and sounds around you, mindfulness can be a powerful tool for managing stress.
Stay Connected:
Maintaining strong social connections is essential for managing stress as a military spouse. Whether it’s with other military spouses, friends, or family members, having a support network to lean on during difficult times can make all the difference. Make an effort to stay connected with others, even if it means reaching out virtually during deployments or frequent relocations.
Prioritize Self-Care:
Self-care is crucial for managing stress and maintaining overall well-being. As a military spouse, it’s easy to put the needs of others before your own, but it’s important to prioritize self-care as well. Whether it’s getting enough sleep, eating healthily, exercising regularly, or indulging in hobbies you enjoy, carving out time for self-care can help reduce stress levels and boost resilience.
Set Boundaries:
Setting boundaries is essential for protecting your mental and emotional well-being as a military spouse. Learn to say no to commitments that add unnecessary stress to your life and prioritize activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Setting boundaries with work, family, and social obligations can help you maintain a healthy balance and prevent burnout.
Focus on What You Can Control:
Military life often comes with a great deal of uncertainty, which can be a significant source of stress. While it’s natural to worry about the future, focusing on what you can control can help alleviate anxiety. Instead of dwelling on things you can’t change, focus on taking positive action in areas where you do have control, whether it’s creating a budget, maintaining a routine, or setting goals for yourself.
Seek Professional Help:
If stress becomes overwhelming and starts to impact your daily life, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Military spouses have access to a variety of support resources, including counseling services through Military OneSource and TRICARE. Talking to a mental health professional can provide you with coping strategies and support tailored to your specific needs.
Stay Informed:
Knowledge is power, especially when it comes to managing stress as a military spouse. Stay informed about resources available to you, whether it’s through your spouse’s unit, the Family Readiness Group, or online communities. Being aware of the support options available can help you navigate challenges more effectively and reduce stress.
Practice Gratitude:
Practicing gratitude involves intentionally focusing on the positive aspects of your life and expressing appreciation for them. Taking time each day to reflect on the things you’re grateful for, whether it’s a supportive spouse, loving family, or good health, can help shift your perspective and reduce stress. Consider keeping a gratitude journal to record your blessings and reflect on them regularly.
Take Breaks:
It’s essential to take breaks and give yourself permission to step away from stressors, even if it’s just for a few minutes. Whether it’s taking a short walk, listening to music, or practicing relaxation techniques, carving out time for breaks throughout the day can help recharge your batteries and reduce stress levels.
Join Supportive Communities:
Finally, consider joining online or in-person communities specifically for military spouses. These communities can provide a sense of camaraderie, understanding, and support, which can be invaluable for managing stress. Consider joining our Facebook group Milspouse Mastery for more tips, resources, and support from fellow military spouses.
Managing stress as a military spouse is an ongoing process, but with the right techniques and support systems in place, it’s possible to thrive despite the challenges. By practicing mindfulness, staying connected, prioritizing self-care, and seeking support when needed, military spouses can effectively manage stress and maintain their well-being. Remember, you’re not alone on this journey, and there are resources and communities available to support you every step of the way.
I'm a wife, crunchy mom of 5, Jesus lover, and homemaker. Join me on this wild journey of moving every 3 years to unpredictable locations as the wife of a US Marine.
